Time

there's who I do not want to be

and there's who I do not want to be 

anymore

and somewhere in between all that

is me

to be found and felt and learned

and who I am

and will be

and want to be and

I am adjusting

I am adjusting hard

to this

and to things I wish were different

but that are worth

aiming for

and it's all hard work

it's all a weighted slog through thickness pulling at me

creating drag

each step forward

heavy

long

tiring

I see the goal

the end

the lightening

step after step after no way I'm stopping here

this is it now

final push

hardest yet

knowing not

what the lightening of this load results in

knowing only

it is better

I'll be better

and there will be love there

more love than I knew existed

before I felt it

felt it

felt it

true

I've been in a time of growth

a forward momentum time for a decade now

ten years of positive movement

transition now

time of change

two years

a catalytic third

pushed to recognize

to see, accept, and know

then seen

and loved

as I let go of knowing what I thought I knew

became aware of

what

had held me back

first growth

then transition

now pushing through the last

not over

never over

quite

but new

anew

a

new

forever

figuring it out

as I get there

and it's such hard work

so hard

so hard

so hard

deep breath

alone

but not quite

some are there

others nearby

cheering me

cheering me

cheering me

on

catalytically speaking

pain

and trust

then love beyond

moving me forward

positively

forward

pain I did not know I could endure

now me

the slog

heavy heavy

it's dry in the desert though

love