Fair Shot

you came in wounded

dripping blood all over my heart

and started out with driving home the point of 

no

not ever

don't even breathe those words, that thought.

But you said sweet things

and I believed you

and you took on roles

and I believed you

and you held me close

and I believed you

and I

I lifted you up

and held you close

and I

believed in you

whole heartedly.

But we never had a chance.

We never had a shot at what's now been thrown away

and I put that on them

and you

and the lies you forgot to clarify

and you insult me regularly - daily

with your insistence on how everyone but me

is what I know I am

and what you shouldn't be stupid enough to miss

we were broken from the start

and now and again

we refresh

renew

a slate not cleaned perhaps

but flipped 

and ready to be written on

anew

Getting Warm

I can't think of anything you could say

that would make me start to trust you again

I really can't

So while the hens sit and chitter to each other

cluck cluck clucking away about the grand meaning of it all

I sit here yelling at you in my head

too polite

too realistic

to yell at you anywhere else.

It was time you said you needed

so time you've had

a lifetime's worth

yet again

and meanwhile 

lives moved on

lives moved on

lives moved on and over and through and both nothing and everything has changed

really

both nothing and everything has changed

Audacity

a word he keeps using 

and now I may have to turn towards you

if you have the audacity to want to be a friend now

Now?  After all the things said and not said

done and undone

after the way you spoke

and treated

and asked for things beyond what's fair

or kind

or nice at all

You were the one who told me you were grown up

and could play with the other side of the room

You were the one who told me

that this time, THIS time you meant it

for real

and I would be the one

you knew I was

for you

grown up

and

truthful